[Image: a bearded man holding a sign saying “ABORTION IS MURDER!” with the word “MURDER” designed to look like dripping blood. End description.]
Man Regrets Pro-Life Activism After Realizing Kids are Dicks
Louisville, KY - Barry Frankel spent years protesting and lobbying for pro-life legislation in his home state of Kentucky. Recently he began to regret these actions after realizing that kids are all horrible dicks.
“My new job is right next to a Middle School. Those little pricks are always yelling and swearing and making me afraid to walk by them at lunch,” says Frankel. “They rush by with their dirty clothes and sticky little hands and pimples and I just think that half of them wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t for me.”
The revelation came about one day in September when one child opened his eyes. “There’s this one little weiner, Todd Kirkner, who’s just awful. The little prick actually gave me the finger the other day. I just thought to myself ‘I’m probably the reason you’re alive, you little asshole!’”
Frankel reflects on all of the energy he wasted trying to make sure these children were born and wants to apologize to his community. “I know for a fact that our city and state would be much better off without these kids around. I’m truly sorry.”
When prompted to make a declaration that he is now pro-choice Frankel hedges. “If that choice is to punch these little fuckers in the face, then yes, I’m pro-choice.”
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