notes: 178
2 years ago
satire funny humor abortion pro-choice kids
iwanttoworkfortheonion
iwanttoworkfortheonion:

[Image: a bearded man holding a sign saying “ABORTION IS MURDER!” with the word “MURDER” designed to look like dripping blood. End description.]
Man Regrets Pro-Life Activism After Realizing Kids are Dicks
Louisville, KY - Barry Frankel spent years protesting and lobbying for pro-life legislation in his home state of Kentucky. Recently he began to regret these actions after realizing that kids are all horrible dicks.
“My new job is right next to a Middle School. Those little pricks are always yelling and swearing and making me afraid to walk by them at lunch,” says Frankel. “They rush by with their dirty clothes and sticky little hands and pimples and I just think that half of them wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t for me.”
The revelation came about one day in September when one child opened his eyes. “There’s this one little weiner, Todd Kirkner, who’s just awful. The little prick actually gave me the finger the other day. I just thought to myself ‘I’m probably the reason you’re alive, you little asshole!’”
Frankel reflects on all of the energy he wasted trying to make sure these children were born and wants to apologize to his community. “I know for a fact that our city and state would be much better off without these kids around. I’m truly sorry.”
When prompted to make a declaration that he is now pro-choice Frankel hedges. “If that choice is to punch these little fuckers in the face, then yes, I’m pro-choice.”

This is awesome, and I thought you guys would enjoy it. That is all.

iwanttoworkfortheonion:

[Image: a bearded man holding a sign saying “ABORTION IS MURDER!” with the word “MURDER” designed to look like dripping blood. End description.]

Man Regrets Pro-Life Activism After Realizing Kids are Dicks

Louisville, KY - Barry Frankel spent years protesting and lobbying for pro-life legislation in his home state of Kentucky. Recently he began to regret these actions after realizing that kids are all horrible dicks.

“My new job is right next to a Middle School. Those little pricks are always yelling and swearing and making me afraid to walk by them at lunch,” says Frankel. “They rush by with their dirty clothes and sticky little hands and pimples and I just think that half of them wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t for me.”

The revelation came about one day in September when one child opened his eyes. “There’s this one little weiner, Todd Kirkner, who’s just awful. The little prick actually gave me the finger the other day. I just thought to myself ‘I’m probably the reason you’re alive, you little asshole!’”

Frankel reflects on all of the energy he wasted trying to make sure these children were born and wants to apologize to his community. “I know for a fact that our city and state would be much better off without these kids around. I’m truly sorry.”

When prompted to make a declaration that he is now pro-choice Frankel hedges. “If that choice is to punch these little fuckers in the face, then yes, I’m pro-choice.”

This is awesome, and I thought you guys would enjoy it. That is all.

Notes
  1. datmamaswag reblogged this from michaelsmommy0709
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  3. strange-unusual reblogged this from elledblyou and added:
    Lololol this.
  4. whorermovies reblogged this from awaywardteen
  5. blamsoor reblogged this from eastern-thug
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  9. elledblyou reblogged this from eastern-thug
  10. eastern-thug reblogged this from goodmoleman2u
  11. goodmoleman2u reblogged this from but-she-risked-it-anyway
  12. but-she-risked-it-anyway reblogged this from giveint0lust
  13. giveint0lust reblogged this from misguided-misery and added:
    That last quote. omg.
  14. misguided-misery reblogged this from re-bec-ugh
  15. wearesex-bobomb reblogged this from re-bec-ugh
  16. phuck-this reblogged this from re-bec-ugh and added:
    oh my god
  17. re-bec-ugh reblogged this from awaywardteen
  18. awaywardteen reblogged this from wildthornberry and added:
    This is perfect, oh lord
  19. theglassminajerie reblogged this from propaganda-for-life and added:
    I lol’ed
  20. alcololism reblogged this from wildthornberry
  21. lonesiekarp reblogged this from iwanttoworkfortheonion and added:
    Dear “The Onion,” Hire this person ASAP. Love, Bethany
  22. iliketheboys reblogged this from redmonthebearded
  23. redmonthebearded reblogged this from heartinakiln
  24. penguinpaladin reblogged this from heartinakiln
  25. heartinakiln reblogged this from theoppressedlittlefetus and added:
    lmao
  26. zzman305 reblogged this from iwanttoworkfortheonion
  27. pocketguineapig reblogged this from amyleona
  28. talkingstory reblogged this from a-serendipitious-mouth and added:
    I don’t even know…. But from a purely comedic perspective, I’m laughing my ass off.
  29. rhythmryder reblogged this from theoppressedlittlefetus and added:
    That’s…one way to put it LMAO
  30. ph-value reblogged this from amyleona
  31. a-serendipitious-mouth reblogged this from iwanttoworkfortheonion