TRIGGER WARNING: rape, prison

I’m really not a math person. Prison rape is something difficult to get truly reliable statistics on. A lot of men there are sure to lie about it. Massive victim blaming, you know? I’m sure that even when you include prison rape statistics, though, the rate of male-victim rape isn’t going to be equal to that of women. And even still, the vast majority of rapists are men either way.

TW: RAPE IN ABOVE ASK

I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through with your ex-boyfriend and your family, and I’m glad this blog has been able to help you with your recovery. I wish you all the best.

Why can’t anti-choicers realize how privileged they are? “Well, I could raise my kid when I got pregnant as a teenager, therefore everyone can!” Dude. No. In a rape culture, not suffering even an attempted rape, as a person AFAB (Assigned Female At Birth), is a privilege of luck. It’s one in six in the US, isn’t it? It’s a class privilege to be able to raise a child at all, let alone when you’re young and have dreams you want to achieve.

prolongedeyecontact:

bebinn:

jenniferthorsondoula:

If you or your partner are survivors of sexual abuse, take time to consider how that will affect your birth experience.

This article hit me hard. Reproductive health and rights activists, please take the time to read it.

Her new baby had nothing to do with what happened to her when she was a small child, she thought. Yet, surprisingly and on a level that she couldn’t reason with, the idea of childbirth awoke all of these old feelings: lying on a bed screaming, vulnerable and not fully in control, surrounded by people who were supposed to take care of her.

Ashley realized this experience was going to be a turning point for her. Either childbirth was going to finally heal her old scars, or it was going to retraumatize her.

She chose healing[…]

Many women struggle with pelvic exams, breastfeeding, the lack of control, being tethered to machines, drugs that can make their brains foggy, male doctors and nurses, people entering their rooms without permission, or even the extra attention to body parts that have been ignored or are the center of confused or negative emotions.

Many survivors experience a disconnect between their mind and body, and that new awareness of the body can be a trigger, says Rachael Uris, a psychotherapist in Boulder who specializes in childhood sexual abuse[…]

For others, like Ashley, simply lying down while others “do things” to you — not feeling like an active participant in the process — felt too parallel to the trauma she survived.

Uris says some mothers struggle with the feeling of someone else “occupying” their body.

Male survivors may have their own set of stresses. They may fear for their partners’ safety, become overly protective, not feel comfortable with watching pelvic exams or even fall into a panic attack at the sounds and sights of a normal delivery, experts say[…]

The most important thing Shelley recommends is having a trained and trusted expert, like a doula, at your birth, “so when something we never could have predicted comes up, there’s someone you trust who you can look at and get your support through.”

“I want women to know that it’s possible to basically have a redo, for them to experience an empowered, choiceful experience that’s intense, but that they get to call the shots on,” she says.

This applies to every pregnant person and their partner, not just men and women.

I found some more helpful information on this when I was doing my pregnancy “inconvenience” post for those who are interested. 

• Chapter 11: Effects of Childhood Abuse on Childbearing and Perinatal Health. By Deborah Issokson, Psy.D.
• Book Review: “When Survivors Give Birth: Understanding and Healing the Effects of Early Sexual Abuse on Childbearing Women”
• Abstract: The Impact of Childhood Sexual Abuse on Pregnancy, Labor, and Birth
• The Effects of Sexual Abuse on Pregnancy and Birth
• A Triggering Time: Childbirth May Recall Sexual Abuse Memories

For the next time someone tries to pass pregnancy off as a walk in the park, as “just nine months” of your life you’ll never get back.

[Trigger warning: discussion of rape and incest]

dontfeartahrir:

miss you, rep weiner

*applause*

feministblackboard:

Trigger warning: abuse and rape descriptions.

A few weeks ago my mom stapled pages of a story in one of her women’s magazines together and handed it to me. She gave it to me pretty much with the tag lines “for your feminist blog” and “something new to consider.” Indeed it was; she knows me well.

The story is titled “I was forced to be pregnant.” With a title like that, reading it was actually not on the top of my to read list. I thought it was about women not exercising their right to choice. I was very, very wrong on that one.

Have you ever heard of Reproductive coercion? It is a term that was quite recently coined by the advocates against domestic violence to describe a certain type of abuse some women face. It occurs when a man pressures their partner to have kids and/or impregnates them against their will. Reproductive coercion comes in three different types:
1. Emotional pressure that turns into verbal and physical abuse.
2. Sabotaging birth control
3. Marital rape
Over 75% of women 19-49 who reported once experiencing domestic violence also endured some type of reproductive control by men. It’s all about control and domination over a woman’s body.

The first story in the magazine is about a woman who got married around 36 years of age. After a few months of dating her boyfriend talked excitedly about having children. After he proposed he began calling her “The Babymaker.” She then confided with him that one of her fallopian tubes was blocked. He in return insisted she see a fertility doctor. She recounts, “I had finally met a great guy who was eager to start a family with me. What woman wouldn’t fall for that?” Soon after her honeymoon he persisted on in an obsessive manner, but his efforts had to be temporarily halted as she had to get emergency back surgery. Alas, 6 months into recovery he was back to pressuring her again. She was in much pain at the time due to her back, but she agreed to In Vitro Fertilization. She then became pregnant, but soon miscarried. In response, her husband grabbed her by the neck, choking her. He apologized, blaming his outburst on his grief and had her sign up for another round of IVF. And then a third round. She tried to put him off with the excuse that she needed to weigh more before she could take treatments, her husband forced her to get on the scale often and filled the fridge with fattening foods. “It hurt that all I was good for was getting pregnant.” She recounts. At the end, he screamed at her, threatening to replace her with a maid if she couldn’t get pregnant and she told him she no longer wanted to have his child. He destroyed bedroom furniture, pushed her down the stairs and threatened her with a gun. She fled to a domestic violence shelter.

The second story was about a woman who faced marital rape. This woman was 40, had a then boyfriend and two children from a previous marriage. After telling her boyfriend she did not want any more children, her boyfriend refused to wear a condom and began to rape her.  She then became pregnant with her third child. Birth control was never an option for her because she couldn’t hide pills anywhere for he went through all of her belongings. Three months after giving birth, he raped her again, impregnating her with twins. She lost the twins in a physical fight with him, but soon became pregnant again. During her recovery she begged her obstetrician to remove her ovaries and devise a lie to tell him; that she had cancer. After a decade of sexual abuse and violence she was able to get a job that kept her out of the house and often times traveling.

One in four callers to the National Domestic Abuse hotline said that their partners had tried to force them to become pregnant. Why? As one woman stated, “Its like he wants to own me from the inside out.”  Having a baby is the perfect tie that binds. These type of abusers want to create a circumstance in which their partner is dependent on him.

WHAT’S THAT HAVE TO DO WITH PLANNED PARENTHOOD?

Many voters never consider how defunding these clinics could hurt victims of domestic violence who turn to them for counseling as well as pregnancy prevention. Abused women will turn to health care providers long before they will turn to domestic abuse hotlines and organizations. Many women in abusive relationships rely on life saving, affordable care programs such as Title X. It is critical that such places are open and operation when women and children need them so desperately.

Oh yes, this too. Jesus Christ, the GOP is awful.

(And I think you can’t reblog it because it’s a question. You can reblog questions with Missing e, but of course Tumblr’s out to fuck that up. =/)

Trigger Warning: Rape

Maybe, maybe not. Not all of them, surely. But the ones who think a rape survivor should carry their fetus to term, too—yeah, they’re basically pro-rape. “Pro-life” is pretty disgusting.

“When I was raped back in spring of 2006, I was devastated.”

beccafrench:

My heart breaks for this little girl and her child. 

Abortion in cases of rape and incest are highly disputed. The book Victims and Victors is an incredible resource concerning this heartbreaking topic and I would highly recommend it (it’s out of print but you can find it used on Amazon). This story exemplifies a major point in Victims and Victors, that abortion is often used to protect the rapist. In cases of incest, like this one, it only keeps the victim in an abusive relationship. 

Abortion doesn’t help victims of rape and incest. It only further destroys the already hurting woman or girl. 

I’m sorry, what? What makes you think that reading one testimony by a rape survivor makes it okay to generalize that all abortion will hurt abuse victims? Fucking ridiculous. Abortion may not have been the choice for this woman, but it will be and it NEEDS to be legal for other women in this world.